Got the growing up blues real bad! If my life goes the way I want it to, this won't be my last spring break but will almost certainly be the last one that I spend at home. Did the grand couch tour of my house this break because I don't have a bed in my room anymore. That doesn't make me cry, but like basically everything else does. I hate arguing with the people that I love about things that matter a lot to me and matter a lot to them too, but I also hate not being able to say anything because I want to avoid starting an argument. I am so envious of people who are of the same political color as their parents but I can't be the same as mine unless I suspend disbelief and suppress my critical faculties. I wish this didn't bother me so much because political and social theory and practice are going to be my career so this will never go away. Maybe if I could just be a dentist or something then I could talk about work without starting shit. This actually kills me. So I kind of want to move far away and never come back. I don't actually want to do this but I think I am going to.
Also Charlie and the fact that my brothers and I have identical faces. And photos of my mom growing up where the likeness to the woman that I know slowly emerges over the time series. And the cool and revolutionary feminist stuff that she has done, like breast feeding activism groups, but she doesn't recognize it as this. And that the cousin who was my best friend growing up is having her baby shower tomorrow and I'm filled with ambivalence about it.
Mostly I want to get back to school and read Marx and get lunch with friends and be busy and stop thinking about this stuff for like two seconds
