c u l8r

4 days left on the east coast before i move away from every single person that i know - good thing i wasted so much time in the previous months thinking about & dwelling on & crying over byes that i'm only doing now. thursday was ben and i had mysterious and psychosomatic maladies that prevented me from being fearless & genuine about it even though we had spent a nice day together and tonight was my dad who kept it concise so we could separate and be alone and unselfconscious in our individual grieving, even though charlie mistook me for the birthday girl at dinner because my parents were making such a big deal about me. this morning i got to do 9 more of my best friends from college- though i may see a few in the coming days- and the creeping fissure kept me mopey and reticent for a lot of the last opportunity i'd have to see them in a really long time, so instead of dancing and drinking i walked on the beach in the dark and listened to small talk and quietly took on the weight of the goodbyes. i have 24 hours or less before  the next round and in between i have packing and preparing to do. i was mostly worried about the possessions that i'll have to ship & pay for by the pound but the weight of these goodbyes is heavier